relationships

So this is big one, that I’m probably going to write about several times. Being in a relationship can be really difficult when you have depression or anxiety, especially when your partner doesn’t understand them that well. I guess what this is going to try to be is a guide to help you if you are in a relationship with someone who deals with these monsters. This won’t cover all of the points, and how to handle situations will definitely vary from case to case, but I can tell you what I know to be true for me.

  1. Please don’t get frustrated or angry with me because I can’t tell you what’s wrong. There are some times that I don’t know, or maybe I’m embarrassed because I know it’s stupid but can’t help it.
  2. When I do tell you what the problem is, don’t point out how stupid I’m acting. I already know that. No matter how big or small the problem is, I just need your support.
  3. Understand that you could be the only one I let in. Some people (me being one of them) are very secretive about their monsters. I know this can seem like it’s putting a lot of pressure on you, but you really just need to do what you can and accept that it might not always help.
  4. Please don’t give up if what you initially try to do doesn’t cheer me up. It’s not going to be an instant change of mood, it’s hard for me to get out of slumps, but it really does help when you’re there for me.
  5. If my anxiety is what is worse at the moment, then I’m going to question everything about our relationship. I’ll feel like you don’t love me and that you’d be happier without me in your life. When this happens it helps to do things that make me feel extra loved. Tighter hugs, wrapping up in a blanket with me, surprising me with my favorite food; it doesn’t have to be anything big or extravagant, when my anxiety is bad, I notice every little thing.
  6. Try not to let me go to bed at my lowest point. When I go to bed very upset, I don’t get any sleep and wake up in a worse mood. Try to say something that will make me feel a little better, cuddle me closely or start tickling me and joking around. If we’re not together then send me a goodnight text.
  7. Don’t tell other people about my monsters. Period. It is not your position to tell others such sensitive information. Even if you think you’re helping me, don’t do it without consulting me fist.
  8. Don’t badger me into taking medicine. I know you think it will make me better but I have my reasons for not taking it. Just like others have their reasons for taking it. It’s not that I believe taking the medicine is wrong, it’s just something I have personally decided against so please don’t make me feel awful for not choosing to.
  9. Fighting my monsters will cause me to be very mentally and sometimes physically exhausted. Understand that I might not be up to hang out around other people or be in public and never force me to do so.
  10. Never make me feel ashamed of my monsters. They are not the best traits I offer but they are a part of who I am, and I can’t change that. The only thing I can do is learn to control them.

The most important thing when dealing with some one who has been fighting with their monsters is to just be supportive. This list will certainly be added to as time passes, including sections relating to long distance relationships.